The Early Years

(My Grammy and my Mom)

All in all, I had a pretty great life growing up.

My mom bent over backwards doing for me. Although I never got to join any sports or do any extra activities because of money, I don’t think I had it too bad.

We had the ups and downs I imagine a lot families had. My mother suffered from depression so the days when she was adjusting to different medication was taxing to say the least, but that isn’t what this blog is about

We use to read bedtime stories before bed when I was little. Then when I began to read, I would read them to her. To this day I still love to read.

She always bought these huge oversized towels. In the winter when it was really cold, she would put mine in the dryer till I was done in the bath, then go grab it and wrap me up in it on her lap. She would finish by telling me a funny story or singing to me. My favorite was always “You are my sunshine”

We use to color together, paint things, craft things. Christmas was always my favorite. She always had fun crafts to do like wreaths, ornaments, and stuffed things. Our tree was a massive over-decorated beacon of light. We had a fake tree and my mother would individually wrap each branch with a strand of lights. By the time she was done we could have probably lit the neighborhood with that tree, but damn it was pretty. Our cat loved it too. Along with all of the other decorations we would put up. Our house was a throw up of knick-knacks, wall hangings, lights, garland, and whatever else my mother could find to decorate.

And the baking! So many cookies and breads I don’t know how we ate them all. Our favorite was always pizzelle’s. I would always eat the batter and get yelled at. My grandmother would come out and she would always leave with a ‘goodie’ bag. On most of the holidays we would travel out to my Aunt’s house since she lived right by my grandmother and we would have holiday dinner. I miss seeing the look of happiness that mom had then.

Family always meant a lot to mom. After my uncle died in 96 it put a big strain on my family. He was the youngest out of the three and my mom the oldest. It took a toll on my grandmother too. Uncle Boo was her favorite. I remember a little about him but not a lot. I was too young and he wasn’t around much. He lived in Florida for a long time and I use to think he was an alligator wrestler (although far from the truth. He actually ran heavy machinery, which was ultimately what killed him). I wish I could have known him better. He was there for my mom when I was born (when no one else in the family was) and they were pretty close.

I don’t remember my pap being around much when I was younger. I remember him coming around a lot more a few years after my uncle died (My pap and grandmother split years ago and never talk. I think my grandmother dislikes him. A lot). From what my mom told me about Pap, he wasn’t much of a husband or much of a father when my mom was growing up either. He liked to drink. I don’t know why my grandmother left him. I’ll have to ask her one day. My mom was the only one of them that still talked to him. He had a lot of wild stories to tell.

I think that’s enough for today. 

Everything has A Beginning

Yeah, you guessed it. That's me. 

First day in the new world. Completely oblivious to the life I would lead in my future. I imagine the only thing i'm thinking of is why the hell is everything so bright (I still hate light when I get up in the morning) and where's my food.

My mother had me on in the middle of summer in 1986 at the age of 35. My uncle Boo and My Aunt Anita (My mothers best friend) stood vigil in the room where i was born. My mom always referred to my father as a sperm donor.

I wouldn't find out till I was 24 that he was married when he got my mom pregnant. My mother wasn't supposed to be able to have kids so boy was I a surprise. She never told my father about me. She figured I was her miracle and no one was going to try to take that from her.

I don't regret her decision at all.

My mom worked full time at the magistrates office and I got dropped off to a baby sitter. We lived a little shit hole of a town on a shit hole little street. By the time I was able to go outside by myself to our little 10x10 back yard, the neighborhood starting getting bad.

I watched a very drunk walk down our street stripping and yelling profanity's to the world and i watched a girl not much older than me get hit by a car on her bicycle. My babysitter at the time decided to get completely smashed one day while watching me so I ran away down to a friend's house. I remember the worry on my mother's face that day. And the anger. She ripped that woman a new one. 

The last straw for my mom was when a "mad dog" started running down the back alley where of us kids play. There was a truck full of guys just shooting at it. With kids running around. Needless to say my mom had it.

In July of 95 we moved into our new house. I was 9 years old

It was in the middle of the country. A lot different than what I was use to living in town. There were cows next door. COWS. I thought this was the greatest ever. I made 2 friends that summer and they introduced me to the dairy farm behind my house. After that, you couldn't get me away from there. I would go over and help Mike (one of the owners) clean the stalls for the cows, give them feed, and watch as he milked them. I would play with the barn cats and give them cream. I even got to watch a calf being born! My best friend at the time was the farm dog. His name was Norman. 

Norman was a free spirit. He roamed anywhere his heart desired. But if he was with me, he stayed by my side. I had a protector. Life was good.

Right before my first year at a new school (4th grade) i was playing in the hay loft and fell. I landed on my hip and bruised it pretty bad. I ended up on crutches for my first day of school.

That was how I made my first Best friend. She helped me carry my books to class and after that we were inseparable.

Now since I've gotten off track already...

My mother still worked full time and busted her ass to give me what she could. We never had a lot of money. The only reason she was able to build this house was because of the USDA home loans they offered at the time.

But our life was good. 

We had (i would like to think) a typical mother-daughter relationship of good times, bad times, hard times, and sad times. We would fight, we would cry, and we would make up. My teenage years were the worse. I look back now and realize I was a little bitch. But you can't change the past. I learned a lot growing up. I never did drugs (tried Weed once tho, i HATED it). I did drink, but I was one of the few that stayed where I was and never drove. My mother gave me a lot of freedom, some of it I'm sure I didn't deserve, but I think it's that freedom that made me the person I am today. There were a lot of things that were said between the two of us in those days I am sure we both wished we could take back but that's neither here nor there now. 

I graduated high school and entered the Adult world.

I never realized exactly how much she sacrificed for me until I got older.

But that's for another time.